Patience is a learned response to the circumstances of life. Patience requires a decision to be tolerant, uncomplaining and even serene. Patience calls us to react with deliberation and not to expect instant gratification or a quick resolution to a problem or dilemma.

How civilized this explanation sounds, yet putting it into practice is not easy. First of all, we live in an era where we expect instantaneous results. A click of the mouse and any topic imaginable pops up on our computer screens. We have medications at our disposal, both over the counter and prescription, which relieve pain and ease our anxieties. But as wonderful as these things are, and as grateful as we are for them, events occur in our daily lives that are beyond the quick fix. Enter patience.

When my children were small, the house was always full of toys scattered from room to room. Meals were sometimes tumultuous even when well planned and prepared. Babies cried in the night and school-age children seemed to get sick on the day I needed them to be in school. There were times, of course, that patience was thrown to the wind, and my children (and yours) today can share some lively "Remember when Mom … (fill in the tirade, with or without embellishment)?" stories.

Over the past few weeks, my husband and I learned firsthand that patience is a remarkable and bonding experience. He elected to have a hip replaced. I hoped he could wait until after our son's wedding, but pain has its own timetable and the surgery took place. Things were fine in the hospital, but within a few days of returning home our routine was drastically altered --- slowed down to a snail's pace which is the opposite of how things usually operate.

The first few days were calm. Within a week the novelty had worn off and the little things that both of us had taken for granted for years were now difficult. He could do little for himself. I was tying shoes and putting special hose on his feet and legs. I struggled and he winced in pain. (We laugh about it now, a few weeks down the road to recovery.)

One recent afternoon, during one of our many very slow afternoon walks to the end of the block --- a substantially shorter distance and pace than usual --- I brought up the topic of patience. My husband, it seems, had been having similar thoughts. We chuckled, thinking of the past few months and how pain had made his life quite difficult, and how patience had gone by the wayside for both of us.

Isn't it interesting how adversity sometimes teaches us things we have forgotten? Patience was imperative when the children were young. Now, a surgery at a very "inconvenient" time brought with it the realization that patience is a life-long pursuit. Eight days after surgery, we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. Our children gathered the family and a few dear friends, and we toasted the goodness of life.

As Paul wrote so many years ago, "love is patient and love is kind" (1 Cor. 13:1). A subtle reminder now and then is helpful.

Anne Hansen is a member of the Camarillo Catholic community. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.