A few weeks after his college graduation last year, our youngest child (dare I say it one last time, the baby) called his father to inquire about a ring left to him by his grandmother.

That evening, when my husband came home from work, he stood in the middle of the kitchen and repeated our son's words. We looked at each other not quite knowing what to say. We knew there was only one reason to ask about the ring.

Within a few weeks the engagement was official, followed by an engagement party where we met the family of the girl who would be joining our family. It was a delightful evening, full of words of love and shared stories. I climbed into bed and smiled, thanking God for the goodness bestowed on our family. We were joining with another family --- our five children and their four --- to be part of a bigger creation. It is a cycle of life that has repeated since the beginning of time in every part of the world, yet it felt unique.

As the mother of the groom my duties are simple --- well, simpler than when our daughters were planning their weddings. Life has proceeded as usual until, suddenly (or so it seems), it is time to finalize plans for the rehearsal dinner, the post-wedding brunch and the travel plans.

Soon family and friends will gather. The great-uncle of the groom will preside at the liturgy and the three sisters of the bride and the three sisters of the groom will act as bridesmaids. Our grandchildren, decked out in fancy dress, will join the procession down the aisle. Friends of the young couple, some from their very early years, will join the wedding party as groomsmen, ushers and ancillary bridesmaids. I envision a pageant of beautiful young people, most just out of college, full of the energy and hope of youth, surrounded by very young nieces and nephews who will stand by in awe at the pretty dresses, flowers and traditions.

Weddings require much work, patience and careful compromise. More than anything, weddings are gifts that allow us to gather loved ones and ask them to witness something mystical and magical. They allow us to stand before God and the world and declare our love for another. They give us a reason to celebrate wildly with special food, drink and music. We happily dress up to honor the occasion. I believe weddings are windows into how God intends us to live.

As when two of my daughters were married, I am drawn to the story of the Wedding Feast of Cana so imaginatively interpreted by Kathy Coffey in "Hidden Women of the Gospels" (Crossroads Publishing). The story is presented from the view of the bride, her mother and Mary, the mother of Jesus, and sums up feelings that are sometimes difficult to express.

From the bride: "My family and friends hover nearby, smiling approval. They hope that by coming close to our great blessing, some little trace might wear off on them."

How true this is! Mary says in this story: "I am drawn into the ritual, absorbed in the chanted prayers. In this holy space, the guests are at their finest, filled with lofty emotion. This sacred place becomes the locus for all that is best in us; we vest in gracious manners and Sabbath clothing; we soften our raucous voices."

And finally from the bride's mother upon realizing that somehow, miraculously, the wine is plentiful: "All around me, crusty old men were telling jokes. Ancient enemies were dancing…young people were flirting…their parents looking with misty-eyed kindness on spouses…people were relaxed, yet seemed to care more intensely… I am entranced by the gracious given-ness of the unrepeatable moment. It is so beautiful."

As we move closer to this major family event, I hope to maintain a sense of awe at what is happening. There is still a dress in some department store waiting to be discovered, tuxedoes to be ordered and countless, sometimes tedious details to be attended to. But in the flurry of last-minute plans, Kathy Coffey's story will help keep things focused on what is important.

Anne Hansen is a member of the Camarillo Catholic community. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.