When I was going through a particularly hard time in my life, a friend told me that "It's always darkest just before the dawn." The phrase was meant, I think, to give me some hope that my unhappiness, as it gathered intensity, may be about to retreat.
It would be nice to be able to know when pain and sadness is going to depart from our lives. In financial terms it would mean knowing that markets had reached bottom, and things could only get better in the future. This knowledge would bring hope to people caught in a downward spiral.
In today's Gospel reading from John's gospel, we're told "the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil." This passage suggests that while we all might crave an end to the darkness in our lives, there are times when we choose to remain in darkness rather than embrace the light of God's love. It seems absurd to do so, but I have to admit that, as averse as I am to any kind of pain, upon reflection I too sometimes choose what appears to be the safety of darkness over the frightening prospect of change that the light might require.
Light, of course, is the opposite of darkness, and moving from darkness to light involves dramatic change. For me, change is just about always uncomfortable. Change from extreme conditions, such as from darkness to light, is perhaps most uncomfortable of all. So, as John's gospel tells us, sometimes we prefer darkness to light. I don't know if it's so much that we "love evil" as much as it is that we simply get used to it.
When we hide in the darkness we only hurt ourselves. Why do people remain in abusive relationships? Why do we repeat self destructive behavior? Why do we hurt the people we love? These are some of the ways we all choose darkness over light. In most cases, I think the answer is that once the darkness becomes familiar, it can become frightening to change.
Lent is a time for us to reflect on the ways in which we sometimes hide in the apparent comfort of darkness, and urges us to accept Christ's light. We are called and challenged to shrug off darkness and embrace light. It should be easy but it isn't.
Today's Gospel reading also tells us that "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him." The good news is that the light is there for all of us, waiting to step into its warm embrace. God does not want to condemn us to darkness but longs for us to escape it and find love and freedom. God wants to give us the love and freedom that we crave. Whether it is darkest just before the dawn really doesn't matter if the dawn is always ready for us waiting to welcome it. Bill Peatman writes from Napa. He may be reached at bptidings@yahoo.com.
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