Scenario 1:
Jim has been married to Kate for 12 years. Recently he was devastated to discover that Kate had an affair. Jim went to his pastor to inform him that he was considering a divorce and to ask him about getting an annulment. Jim was shocked when Fr. 0'Riely told him he didn't think he had grounds for an annulment. Jim didn't think that was fair, especially since he heard that some movie stars who had been married multiple times got annulments.

Scenario 2:
Jenny has been married for 20 years to Bill and they have four children ranging in age from 10 to 18 years old. Jenny knew that Bill had a bad temper when they got married and her brother told her he was worried for her even before the wedding. Over the years, Bill has gotten worse; besides his terrible language and verbal rages, he has begun to push Jenny and even slapped their youngest hard enough that she fell to the ground. She finally got the courage to see Father Stan at her parish and he immediately arranged to move her and the children to a shelter. He asked her if she had ever considered a divorce in order to protect herself and the children.

What did Jesus say about divorce?
In the Gospel of Matthew (19: 3-9), we read:

"Some Pharisees approached Jesus, and to put him to the test they said, 'Is it against the Law for a man to divorce his wife on any pretext whatever?" He answered, 'Have you not read that the Creator from the beginning made them male and female, and that he said: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and the two become one flesh? They are no longer two, therefore, but one flesh. So then, what God has united, human beings must not divide.

"They said to him, 'Then why did Moses command that a writ of dismissal should be given in cases of divorce? He said to them, 'It was because you were so hard-hearted, that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but it was not like this from the beginning. Now I say this to you: Anyone who divorces his wife --- I am not speaking of an illicit marriage --- and marries another, is guilty of adultery.'"

Jesus' teaching about marriage, was shocking to many who heard it. In fact, some of the disciples who heard it immediately remarked, "If that is how things are between husband and wife, it is advisable not to marry." Nevertheless, Jesus holds fast to the teaching that all licit marriages are unbreakable.

It is often quoted that about 50 percent of all marriages will end in divorce. While this statistic is not as accurate as it is often assumed to be, it is clear that about 25 percent of all adults in the United States have experienced a divorce. It is not surprising, then, to note that a remarkable number of Catholic families have been touched by divorce, many for the first time, during the last 30 years. Statistics show that the divorce rate among Christians varies from a low of 21 percent for Catholics and Lutherans to a high of 34 percent for non-denominational Protestant Churches.

Catholic teaching is clear. Canon 1141 states: A ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death. A ratified (sacramental) marriage is one between two baptized persons. The law then includes other Christians who are validly baptized whose marriages, when contracted among themselves, are ratified (sacramental) unions. When a ratified marriage is subsequently consummated by sexual intercourse, the union becomes absolutely indissoluble.

And the Catechism of the Catholic Church (n. 1644) states: "The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses' community of persons, which embraces their entire life: 'so they are no longer two, but one flesh.' They 'are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.' This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together."

From a moral standpoint, it would be a mistake to see the Church's moral stance as primarily "against divorce." It is clear that the Church is fundamentally and foundationally "pro marriage." The Church's teaching about divorce as a grave evil not only sanctifies marriage and takes up Jesus' own teaching from Matthew 9, it also sanctifies human sexuality.

The Church's teaching helps us see that human sexuality is a fundamental good from God, not a "weakness of the flesh." Sexual intercourse is not per se evil, since it is part of the goodness which God endowed on all creation. Rather it is the misuse and abuse of human sexuality that is immoral. Catholic teaching literally sacramentalizes sexual intercourse when it places it irrevocably within the context of marriage.

Gaudium et Spes, the document from Vatican II on the Church in the modern world, has a beautiful section on marriage. Recognizing that sexual activity has been torn from its integral context in marriage by many individuals, the Council wants the Church to understand both the beauty and dignity of sexual activity in its only valid moral context, marriage:

"The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator…. Hence, by that human act whereby spouses mutually bestow and accept each other, a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting one…. As a mutual gift of two persons, this intimate union, as well as the good of the children, imposes total fidelity on the spouses and argues for an unbreakable oneness between them" (GS, n. 48).

The Church sees in marriage a wonderful vocation in which spouses "advance their own perfection, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God" (GS, n. 48). Marriage clearly is not a "lesser" vocation than that of the religious life. Marriage is the cornerstone of family life which is fundamental to the life of the Church.

The indissolubility of marriage is about the indissolubility of family. Through the example of selfless love essential to every marriage, parents teach their children and society about the truth of Christian discipleship, and that marriage is more than romance. A wedding is an hour; a marriage is a lifetime.

Can civil divorce be justified?
But are there ever any occasions when a civil divorce could be justified, when it would be sinless? What about when a spouse is married to someone who is dangerously unstable, given to physical abuse of spouse and children? Wouldn't it be common sense to get one's children and oneself to safety? What about having a spouse with a drug addiction that is becoming such a financial burden that there is a real threat to the family's well being, including loss of savings, house, etc.?

Sadly, some individuals who have gone into a marriage with every good intention to make it work and have committed themselves fully to it and their children have found themselves in tragic circumstances, often the result of a spouse who is out of control and toxic to the family. Is divorce a sin in every case?

The Church in fact does recognize that there are tragic cases where both separation and even civil divorce may be a legitimate moral choice. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

"The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided by the law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of the inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense" (CCC, n. 2383).

Clearly there are circumstances that allow a spouse to not only separate either temporarily or permanently from their spouse, there are even occasions recognized by the Church that justify a civil divorce. Thus, a civil divorce, in and of itself, does not entail automatic excommunication, nor does being divorced automatically prevent one from partaking of the Eucharist.

Similarly, the Catechism admits that there are occasions where a spouse can literally be a victim of a civil divorce. In such cases, it is clear that there is no sin for the innocent spouse:

"It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his/her own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage" (CCC, n. 2386).

However, when one is divorced and remarries outside the Church, "the remarried spouse is in a situation of public and permanent adultery" (CCC, n. 2384). It would be important to note at this point, that in recognizing a moral right to contemplate either separation or civil divorce, the Church is not giving the go-ahead to enter automatically into another marriage, either civil or sacramental. However, with a grant of nullity, a person can be free to remarry.

A declaration of nullity granted by the Church should not be confused with divorce. A declaration of nullity, in fact, does not dissolve a marriage bond, but it does declare that the union was never valid because of either the presence of some impediment or a defect of consent or form. A decree of divorce says that a marriage was there and is now dissolved, whereas a declaration of nullity is a declaration that couple has never been sacramentally married, despite good intentions.

In conclusion
It's important to recognize that the Catholic Church's teachings on the sanctity of marriage and the evil of divorce are based equally on the teaching of Jesus and the natural law. Marriage is lifted up as a profoundly sacramental experience and an example of selfless dedication to others. Teachings against divorce uphold the transcendent nature of marriage.

Couples considering marriage would do well to contemplate together the Prayer of St. Francis. "Lord teach me not so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul."

Every couple firmly dedicated to their marriage and their Christian discipleship knows the profundity of this prayer. The happiness of marriage is found only in the joy of disposing oneself fully to the "other," in other words to spouse and family. A lifelong sacramental marriage is founded in the Cross of Christ as is every authentic Christian vocation.

And, as St. Francis expressed so clearly in his prayer, the Cross of Christ is the yoke and burden of love, love of others beyond love of self.

Vincentian Father Richard Benson is academic dean and professor of moral theology at St. John's Seminary, Camarillo. His column appears monthly in The Tidings.