It was late at night when non-gang member David and his gang member friend were hanging out at a park close to his home in Los Angeles. David had left his house while his single mom was working at her second job. She would arrive by 2 a.m.

Minutes later, gang members got out of a car and started shooting. David's best friend died in his arms. David, who was 13 at the time, later told a prison chaplain he could not make out what his friend was trying to tell him at the moment of his death because there was so much blood coming out of his mouth, but he thinks he was asking him to tell his mom that he was sorry. A week after, David joined a gang.

Now, at age 16, David --- who had never been convicted of a felony --- is facing four life sentences for attempted murder, having participated in a shooting where a gang member was wounded in retaliation for the killing of David's friend. David was not the principal offender, he did not shoot anybody.

At a juvenile hall facility in Los Angeles, another young man is also facing a life sentence for killing a young gang member who killed his best friend. In prison, the young man shared with the chaplain how, when growing up, he did not dare to shoot a "cabrito" (baby goat) when asked by his mom, to prepare a traditional dish at their hometown in Monterrey, Mexico.

How, the chaplain wondered, could he kill a person but was afraid of shooting an animal?

"The baby goat," the young man replied, "did not do anything to me."

Victim and victimizer
"We as society do not allow people to be victim and victimizer --- they are one or the other," said Suzanne Neuhaus, California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation victims' services specialist, at the Feb. 3-5 planning retreat for diocesan directors of restorative justice/detention ministry.

Thus, a purpose of the retreat --- for representatives of nine California dioceses at Serra Retreat Center in Malibu --- was to find common practices when dealing with victims and offenders in the process of restoration of their human relationships.

Like the above teenagers, countless inmates only have the opportunity to tell their own stories within juvenile hall, jail or prison walls. They have been accused as offenders, but when digging into their lives, restorative justice advocates have found that they have been victims of society as well.

"In the case of David, there is a victim that is not served, is not identified, and probably had no outreach as a victim of crime," said Neuhaus. "By a virtue of a decision taken on a given day, he became a victimizer."

"Gangs are symptoms of society," said Javier Stauring, co-director of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles' Office of Restorative Justice. "Many times when we talk about symptoms we only talk about the more objective factors, like poverty, the lack of opportunities, racism. We should talk about the subjective factors: the wounds caused by the violence lived at a young age."

Story-telling, Neuhaus said, is one key that can open and heal wounds. "We should start by telling the stories and creating opportunities for people to tell them," she said, as opposed to talking about things that are "just inconsequential."

"We don't want to talk about things that make us uncomfortable, and we surely don't want to listen about things that make us uncomfortable," she said. "We don't want to hear about human suffering, we don't want to talk about grief and loss, and we're afraid of crime."

In order to move forward, experts agreed that more education is needed at the diocesan level. To this point, Neuhaus observed, "We're not encouraging people to talk about issues and apply teachings of formation of conscience. We don't ask people to research on a topic, to discern about a topic, to pray about a topic, to talk about a topic, to read scripture about a topic, to ask church about a topic."

What is behind this behavior? The usual suspects, say restorative justice advocates: fear and ignorance.

"We want to look the other way; we want to believe that this only happens to other people," said Neuhaus. "A lot of this is fear. People are very much afraid."

The fear that is behind parents telling their children, "Never talk to strangers," is transferred to the church setting, she said, where there is a reluctance to "rock the boat. People will say, 'We're going to talk about abortion, but we're not going to talk about capital punishment.'"

The value of sharing
Advocates believe that providing victims opportunities for story-telling in a parish setting will help draw more people to church because they will feel included and supported.

"People will come if they feel you are serving them, rather than coming out of obligation," said Neuhaus. "Right now we are ministering to a select group --- and then we complain that we are ministering to the same 2,000 people."

The experts believe that through story-telling people will be able to vent their emotions and to heal their wounds, and somewhere in the journey they will be able to explore forgiveness as a way of healing.

"Forgiveness is a self-healing mechanism," said Michael McCabe, board member of the restorative justice program of the Diocese of Santa Rosa. "It's not about the other. I grow whenever I can move pass the point of whatever trauma I have suffered and forgive that other person and move on."

The advocates agreed that doubling their efforts in raising awareness and increasing consciousness within the community is essential. They know the task will not be easy.

"It will not happen overnight, but it will happen," said Jim Walsh, coordinator of the Diocese of San Diego's restorative justice program.

"The Gospel of Jesus was radical," Los Angeles' Stauring said. "There is an irrational violence in our community and it requires an irrational response."

For more information on restorative justice, go to www.restorativejustice.org or contact the restorative justice department of your diocese www.restorejustice.com/contact.php.